Meditation and the Deconstruction of the Ego

Meditation and the Deconstruction of the Ego - by Rick Boland

This article is of my own personal experience. When I started my journey of meditation and self actualization I had a different view of the world than I do now. I had an Ego. I had a certain view of the world, of people, of preference, of life.

When I discovered that every answer I ever sought was inside my own mind that was the start of something new. An Ego is a strange thing in the sense of the word it can surely be a good thing in some ways, you must have some ego to be able to love yourself, and you must love yourself for others to be able to love you in turn, Ego and Egotistical are two separate entities.

When I awakened to the fact that the world I had led myself to believe was a mere fabrication of the truth it felt like my eyes had been opened for the very first time, like a new born baby I saw light for the first time in my life and it was clear. Now you may think this is a completely undeniably great thing, and at first it was, and is now too, but there is a middle part that you must get through to reach the point where you reap the benefits of this awakening. With this new sense of being things will start changing, now this is only coming from my personal experience and I honour the different paths of other people, so here is what happened to me.

People were different; I felt that the people I was surrounded with and involved myself with just weren’t enough. This isn’t saying that those people were in any way on a lesser scale than me I just felt that the stuff we would talk about, the things we would do, or say or how we would act around them didn’t provide the same stimulation anymore, I felt bored. This may sound harsh to people who know me and are reading this but sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, it certainly was for me. I went into a state of feeling lonely, like the only person I could talk to was myself, inside conversations, insight about myself. This followed into things I would watch, television mostly, I came to a realization that it was mindless banter, but I felt like I knew this long ago and the whole time I was lying to myself. I started becoming a bit of a hermit. I lost friendships over time. I alienated people. This may all sound like negative things but then something happened…. I didn’t really care about not having much friends, I didn’t care about what people thought, I didn’t care about what I wore, I didn’t care about the petty, selfish needs of people. I had nothing to prove to myself. Instead of seeking friendship that I realized wasn’t there in the first place I let good, positive and nurturing forces into my life and in time new abundant meaningful friendships approached me. I found likeminded people, they come and go with the seasons but whenever I’m in need of intelligent conversation that didn’t involve drinking alcohol or doing drugs it was there. I had unconsciously created a network of people who I could rely on to provide mental, physical and spiritual stimulation.

I am at a point now, where life is content. I’m not trying to be better than anyone, I’m not trying to have the better things than anyone or have better experiences than anyone, I’m simply walking my own path to a destination I believe is where I’m meant to be. When you are living your life the way your meant to you are inevitably going to come across negative energies from people, and this involves friends and acquaintances from the past, or present, even family. These energies have seen you change and take a hold of your life, seen you break away from the a life that’s not worth living, you are ALWAYS going to get negative attention from people who don’t understand the mental or spiritual path you are on now. Don’t let it get to you. They are fearful and greedy and resentful of your new life because your doing something they haven’t the strength to do. Take hold of their own lives.

So in closing I implore you, if you are seeking change, seeking some form of awakening or going through this now and feel lost and disillusioned, keep going, your almost there, keep pushing the wool away from your eyes and embrace change in your life, it’s as difficult as you make it, but the choice you are making is well worth it. There is no shortcut to awakening, and no one can give you all the answers, if they did you would stop asking questions and that is a bad thing. Seek the answers. Learn from everyone in different aspects of life, there are lessons everywhere, everyone is the Guru, they wont give you the key to the door but they will give you all the tools you need to make your own.

#meditation #insight #story